, , , , ,

Have you ever felt like a failure and a fraud? Well I do. I have learned so much this last year about nutrition and the role it plays on our body; how food can heal or hurt us. Yet as I have learned I preached the good news of this lifestyle, and yet at the end of a 90 day challenge, I caved. Yes that’s what I said, I caved. You see I was also in culinary school, taking two advanced classes and I did my very best to cook recipes that I know worked with the lifestyle that I had embarked upon, I still was at the mercy of what the teachers would allow me to cook. It was very difficult to cook these foods and not taste them, so weekly it became a struggle. When the time had finally come for us to do our final cooking project, of course what I had to make was not totally in my plan. I was only 2 weeks from completing the 90 day challenge, when this class was also due. I caved! As I said earlier, I tasted the food I was serving to make sure it was prepared correctly. But I did not stop there I tasted everyone else too! I felt as though, I had just jumped of the preverbal cliff!
Now I could have just started over the next day, which is what I tell everyone who says they, have “fallen off the wagon,” to do, and I indeed had the desire to. One little thing here and one little thing there crept in, Next thing you know I’m eating sugars, pasta, breads, rice, all sort of stuff that I do not eat normally. I preach that these things are bad for your body, and even though I have indulged I still believe this.
I sat down and started writing how I have been feeling since eating “normal”. It’s not been good. I have pains and stomach issues, I can’t sleep well and all sort of stuff I will spare you the details of. But tonight, I hit a wall, I had ice cream, and then I felt horrible, hot, sick, flushed. I decided to take my blood sugar (no I am not a diabetic) shall we say it was not good. I guess I am well on my way to becoming one! And for what? To eat foods, which I use to love, that make me feel horrible and that zap my energy. I am damaging my body so I can have an eggnog latte! Really! What insanity pill did I take?
Now I know you must be saying, just cut down my portions, moderation, everything is good in moderation! Nope I don’t think so, would you tell a drug addict that they could have a moderate amount of drugs? No you wouldn’t and so you shouldn’t tell me either. No I am not a fanatic, well maybe my family would say I am I just have to go all the way or no way at all. I have to get my life in order to get my health back on track, before I do permanent damage.
I am sharing this with you, because I feel confession is needed and being honest is who I am! I don’t want to be that girl that says one thing but does another. I know there are so many of us out there that we start and stop out “diets”, and fail. And we will continue to fail until we realize this is not a DIET! It is a way of life! Food will heal as well as hurt; I am going to make it work for me instead of against me. I wanted to share with you my struggle, confess if you will where I have been. In less than 2 weeks, I went from feeling great to ughhh! I won’t even get on the scale right now, as it will cause me to totally break down.
Today starts a new day, out with the past 2 weeks and in with the rest of my life. I don’t want to forget how I felt, so that is why I wrote it down. Those that forget the past will repeat the past. Will I still struggle at times? Sure I will, but this time, I’m the priority, I matter and I will ask for help. I belong to two support groups on face book; 90 Day Low Carb Challenge and Vinnie Tortorich No Sugar No Grains. These groups have terrific people that are all trying to get their bodies healthy and they are so willing to help others, I just let my pride and what I felt was my failure from asking for help. NO MORE!!! In exactly one month is my birthday, I am going to turn this around and feel so much better by my birthday! It’s a new year and a time to make new beginnings. I am not waiting till New Year’s Day to make this, because it’s not a resolution, it’s a determination!
Thank you for listening, and sharing with me my journey, my struggles, and my hopes. Please decide for yourself that you are worth making the change, that you can do this and that you can help heal your body. As always I am here for you!
Cool Beans my peeps!